혜수나...

I hope you're reading this at home and if you are, turn your speaker on and wait for the song to upload because I put a song in this page for you to listen to.

Are you doing okay? I sure hope you are... How's pain coming along after the accident? I pray that you are not feeling any pain but I know how the pain from accidents go.

They usually come back after a week or so...

To tell you the honest truth, I don't even know why I'm writing you this... but I couldn't stand not saying anything to you.

As I told you over the phone, I have nothing to say to you because you've given me enough chances and I blew every single one of them.

I wanna ask you for one more chance but on what base can you trust me again?

I know I couldn't if it was me...everything was perfect that day... finally spent a night with you, got to wake up next to you... had lunch and the unthinkable...

Can't think of the exact reason why my steps lead to the damn place but it did...

Don't put that on yourself. I didn't go in there to break up with you, not care about you and certainly because you're not important to me.

All of that isn't true at all..

The thought process or the lack of did not involve you. If there was any thought process involved, obviously, I wouldn't have gone in there.

I am so sorry the pain and anguish I put you through time and time again... and to top it off this time, you got into a car accident...

When you told me that you got into a car accident, I couldn't hate myself anymore... which is the reason why I couldn't call you or go to see you afterwards...

I couldn't bare to see you... I couldn't bare to hear your voice...

How can I show up after putting you through everything and you got into the accident because your attention was elsewhere...

You probably think and not wrongly so, I am the most selfish person in the world and even if you do, I have nothing to defend myself with...

I wasn't there when you needed me... I couldn't.... how could I? It's not that I couldn't go... it was that I couldn't bare to see you... especially after the accident

After I told you to go to sleep, I realized that I should've been there and actually started driving to Riverside and turned around halfway because of the embarrassement that I put myself through...

You were the light that shined in my dark life... I wish I could figure out why I all of a sudden started the gambling again, but like this song says, I guess it's too late to apologize..

This song came on when I was driving home from work one day.. and cut me very deeply and brought a streak of tear in my eyes...

I'm pretty sure what I have done have caused you greater pain both physically and emotionally...

I am not asking for another chance, I only ask that you forgive me for being the person that I am and was during 3 happiest months in a very long time...

I was smiling again.. confident again.. things coming back into place... pieces coming complete.... and all of a sudden, me happend...

No excuses, I did what I did.. can't even put up a real good reason why it had to happen...

You are the best I could have, I realize that now... but it's too late...

Why did I blow it? This question is still lingering over me and I just can't answer it...

I hope you meet someone wonderful and I wish you the best that you have coming to you...

I always thought that involved me but it is not to be anymore... only things that came from me are the pain, suffering and anguish that I caused you...

Please meet someone who can make you happy because you deserve that, you don't deserve someone who's going to hurt you over and over

And when you meet that person, hold onto him... I blew my chance to be with a person who cares about me dearly and who wouuld do anything for me... please, please don't make that same mistake tha I did...

I can't quite finish this because I'm actually crying as I write this to you.. but please find it in your heart to forgive me for the sins I've committed to you..

I am seriously completely finished with gambling... too late seems to fit my scenario just right...

I wish you the best...

I love you....